The Okehampton Locker Room

Further to the comments re: the scurrilous goings on in the locker room at Okehampton - this was brought to my attention and the culprits were fined.

I was spared the details re: the swarfega (this is an odd choice of material for the purpose in which they were engaged but who am I to comment- it has been legal now over 40 years) but now the the reply, from we believe the culprits to try and bring shame on the only proven Viking in the cogs, that part is nothing but pure fiction to mention or allude to me.

If indeed there was a deposit in existence at all then that was the appropriate place for said deposit. In conclusion if the culprits are to be believed I think I know the perpetrator as he is very fond of leaving his mark in trap number one on a Sunday morning!

Any more scurrilous remarks about the last great Viking will be dealt with by swinging fines!

Yours the Viking

(published by Roy Purlan on behalf of The Viking to allow comments0

A Warning for all COGS.. A Rebuttal!

To maintain fair play and verify the truth it is necessary to refute the libellous accusations of “swanking” in the toilets at Okehampton.

The COGS are a tolerant society, as evidenced by the endless hours spent meandering around the golf course enduring the idiosyncrasies of fellow players without a thought of complaining.

But back to the matter in hand-swanking! We have a long tradition of playing at Okehampton but our reputation has been sullied in recent times by certain members engaging in post golf activities with members of the serving staff.

Conscious of the need to re-establish our good name, imagine the discomfort when two of our members returned to the changing rooms, prior to boarding the bus, to find all manner of COGS` regalia scattered around the room.

Surgical appliances, cigar butts and various items of discarded golfing apparel. In addition, someone, possibly of Irish origin, had left a rather nasty deposit in one of the cubicles, hence the need for swarfega!

Our two public spirited COGS tidied the mess and were heard to remark, “ We`ve cleaned up here Grats”.

It can be seen from this account that simple misunderstandings can lead to extremely hurtful comments and it is to be hoped that this incident will be flushed down the pan of history and that the members concerned will be welcomed back into the bosom of the COGS.

Free drinks would go some way to heal the pain although whilst incidents like this may be forgiven they will never be forgotten.

Signed

A Perpetrator

(posted by Roy Purlan on behalf of the "Swankers" to allow comments)

A Warning for all COGS

Oh what a joyous experience it is to consort with fellow members during our magnificent COGS Events. Fresh air, vigorous exercise and bonhomie out on the course, with our chums, dressed in our stylish COGS gear of modish blue sweaters combined with black slacks. Nothing wrong in that.

Then back to the club house for an invigorating cold shower and a rub down with our pals before donning blazer and tie, downing a couple snifters and devouring a splendid repast provided by our hosts. What better way of spending our time?

However, we must be on our guard. Temptation is ever present. All-male company is a wonderful experience; away from the restraining influence of those gentle and lovely creatures, our wives. But the sudden warmth of the club house combined with the insidious affects of demon drink can lower our defences.

Now don't misunderstand me. The admiration of our fellow members is quite natural. Who can put their hand on their heart and say they haven't thrilled to the sight of a rampant Roy Purlan surging a full blooded drive off the first tee? Or made sheep's eyes at Dave Morgan as he brandishes that magnificent extended putter of his before sinking yet another birdie? These transient wellings from the bosom are part of life's mysterious pattern; natural enough but to be filed away secretly in one's heart.

That being said, I now have to disclose something rather shameful that has occurred within, what was, our happy little band of brothers.

The witness to this act, who must remain anonymous, was so shocked that he had much difficulty in uttering the words to describe it although I eventually got it out of him. It seems that in the somewhat dim toilets at Okehampton (what a delightful image that name conjures) the culprits were glimpsed entering a cubicle armed with a box of Kleenex and a tin of Swarfega.

My witness was unable to identify them at that stage. However, to his horror, he found himself overhearing an unspeakable act of mutual admiration taking place.

Now I might not be making myself clear so, to be sure of no misunderstanding, I am going to have to resort to blunt language. Yes, they were swanking in the toilet. And at the climax of this gross act one miscreant was heard to ejaculate, "Well we really cleaned up today Grats!" Caught in flagrante delicto, eventually It all came out and the shamed members have paid their fines. I am sure, given time, they may re-integrate into society golf.

We must remember we are all frail beings. As Churchill said of Cripps, "…there but for the grace of God goes God". To err is human; to forgive is divine.

I urge my brother COGS to find it in your hearts to take on the mantle of saintliness, forgive the sin of pride and welcome these lost sheep back into the fold. (This is a metaphore Dave).

Please replace your divots (all of you; not just Roy).

Signed

A Sprocket

(posted by Roy Purlan on behalf of A Sprocket to allow comments)

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Ask Ernie

Sent by Tony Pitts for your enjoyment:-

Subject: Ernie Els' Opinion of Tiger

David Feherty:
'People have accused me of being so far up Tiger's ass that he can barely make a
full swing, but I maintain that he is a special person. There's no one else on
the planet who can do what he does or even think of doing what he does. I've
often thought, instead of showing Tiger's reaction to a shot he's hit, we really
should show the reaction of those around him.'

But here is the next best thing. 'I'm walking down the 18th fairway at Firestone
Country Club with Ernie Els and Tiger, who has popped up a three-wood about 40
yards behind Ernie into some wet, nasty, horrible, six-inch rough,' Feherty
says. 'Tiger's cursing and taking clumps out of Ohio with his three-wood...and,
of course, we're not showing this on TV because we want to be able to interview
him later.

Ernie and I walk past Tiger's ball, and it is truly buried.

Ernie is tied with Tiger and he's in the middle of the fairway. I'm standing
with Ernie and my microphone is open. Ken Venturi [in the CBS booth] sends it to
me and I say, 'Tiger's got 184 yards with two big red oaks overhanging the
green. He's got absolutely nothing. With a stick of dynamite and a sand wedge I
might be able to move this ball 50 yards'.

Steve Williams [Woods' caddie] tells me [with a hand signal] that he's using a
pitching wedge.'

'Tiger takes his swing. Every muscle in his body is flung at the ball. It looks
like he's torn his nut sack. The divot went as far as I could hit the ball. I've
got my microphone at my mouth thinking, what the hell was that! The ball sails
over the trees, lands behind the hole and backs up to about six feet from the
flag. I open my microphone and Ernie turns and says, 'Fuck me!'

'My producer comes on in my earpiece and says, 'Was that Ernie?' I say yes. He
says, 'Fair enough.'

'I could have described that shot for 15 minutes and not done as good a job as
Ernie did with two words. This is one of the best players in the world talking,
and you wanna know how good Tiger is? Ask Ernie Els.'

COGS Ahoy

Shiver my timbers! Old sea cogs steaming full ahead to dock by March 14th.

Website Updated

Hi fellow COGS,

hopefully someone is reading this...?? the website has been refreshed for 2008.

The AGM is now set for 7th March at St.Austell and this years events will be set by that date.

Come on you shy COGS and start posting..... we will not bite!!

Test

Hi, this is a test to see if the blog still works........................?????????????????????????????????????????????

Cogs en France

It's amazing the places people go while on holiday.